Roll With the Punches
by phoenixtearz12
Summary: As senior year comes to an end, something happens to Clark's life, that will change it for better and for worse. Clana. updated 6.20.05
1. Chapter 1

Note: Here's some background info: it is senior year, 2 weeks until graduation. All of the stuff that happened in the fourth season, didn't really happen, and Lana never went to Paris, Pete went to Wichita, but came back after a little while. Everything else has been pretty normal….or as normal as Smallville can get.

Lana had just sat down with a cup of tea and a magazine, when the phone started to ring.

_Who could that be?_

She looked over at Chloe who was flipping through the channels of the TV; Lana gave a shrug, then got up to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

Chloe looked up at Lana, who sat there with the phone to her ear, nodding silently, with her eyes wide open.

"We'll be right over," Lana finally said.

She put the phone down and just stared, not really focusing on anything in particular.

"Who was that, and what did they want?"

"That was Pete, he's at the hospital. He…he… said that Mr. Kent just suffered another heart attack."

"Oh my god." Chloe whispered as she exhaled a breath she didn't even know she was holding. Mr. Kent had recently suffered a series of heart attacks, and was not expected to make it if he were to have another one.

"Let's go" Chloe turned the television off, she reached for her keys, but she remembered that her car was in the shop.

"We can take mine." Lana picked up her coat and walked out the door, with Chloe right behind her.

When they arrived at the hospital, they ran through the doors, and straight to the room that Mr. Kent had occupied for the last week or so. As they got closer, they saw Mrs. Kent, outside, leaning on Pete, who was trying to comfort her. Clark was sitting in one of the chairs, outside of the room, with his elbows on his knees, and his face in his hands. He had worn the same clothing for three days, which Lana assumed, meant that he hadn't bee home in a while. Pete, looked up, and gave them a small smile. Mrs. Kent walked over and gave them each a hug.

Lana walked over to Clark and sat down next to him. He didn't move, so Lana cautiously put her had on his shoulder She felt his muscles tighten and he flinched a little, as if he had just noticed her presence When he lifted his head, and looked into her eyes, she saw that they were glistening with unshed tears.

"Hey, sorry, I didn't realize you were there…." His voice was hoarse, and barely above a whisper.

Lana just shook her head and said, "It's alright. How are you holding up?"

"I'm alright" Then he closed his eyes, like he was willing himself to keep it together for her. She didn't think that he would be able to talk about his father's condition with out breaking down, so she just gave him a hug.

"I'll be right back." Lana got up and walked over to Pete.

"How's Mr. Kent doing?

Pete looked over at Mrs. Kent, who was leaning on Chloe, then in a hushed voice he said, "It's not looking too good, Lana. The doctor said his heart was weak last time, I don't know if he can make it this time." Pete's voice cracked and was unsteady, but he still managed to keep his voice low.

Lana looked up at Pete and saw a lone tear making its way down his cheek. She turned and quickly gave Pete a hug, which Pete returned fiercely.

As they parted, a doctor walked out of Mr. Kent's room and headed toward the small group.

"Mrs. Kent?"

"Yes?" As she said this, everyone, including Clark, got up and walked toward the doctor. "How is he doing?"

The doctor looked down; this was the worst part of his job, talking with the family. He redirected his eyes to Mrs. Kent, and started to talk soft and slowly.

"Mrs. Kent, your husband's heart was too weak to survive another heart attack like this. I'm sorry to say this, but he's not going to make it." At this, Mrs. Kent let out a soft wail, and her knees started to buckle, but Clark grabbed her into a tight hug before she could fall.

"If you would like to, you can go in and say good bye, again I am terribly sorry to have to tell you this…" he trailed off, and thought it was better to leave them alone, so he walked away.

Clark just stood there, dazed, and unwilling to cry. Crying was not an option; he had to be strong for his mother, for his dad, for himself. Clark still held onto his mother, but they started to walk towards the door leading to his father's room.

Lana was stunned; she didn't know what was happening.

_Mr. Kent couldn't' die, he was like a father to her. He was one of the nicest people she had known, all of the Kents were, they didn't' deserve this. How can life be so cruel? To break up such a loving family like this._

Pete was determined not to cry he had to remain strong. Mr. Kent was like his second father too. He couldn't even imagine what Clark was going through.

As Clark entered the room, he looked at his father. He had tubes and wires coming out of him, the beep of the heart monitor was soothing, it may have been annoying, but it was the one thing that meant his father was still with him. He walked his mother over to the side of the bed with the chair.

Jonathon Kent opened his eyes, and smiled, before him was his family, his loving wife, and his devoted son.

Martha looked into his eyes and smiled, her eyes were red, and tears were slowly making their way down her cheek.

"Hey" her voice was raspy, yet tender.

He smiled, and slowly brought his hand to her cheek, and wiped away her tears, then he replied, "Hay is for horses"

Martha chuckled a bit, and broke down; she couldn't stop the sobs from racking her body. She stood up and walked over to the other side of his bed. Clark stepped up to the bed, and sat down in the chair next to his father.

"Son let me get this out before you say anything." He paused to collect his thoughts and his breath, then spoke, "Your mother and I did everything to protect you that we could when you were growing up, (pause) but now you're a young man, you make your own decisions. And Clark, your secret, and who you tell, is your decision. You have grown into a young man that we are very proud of."

"Dad, I don't know what to do without you. With all my powers and abilities, I can't be there for you. My powers don't mean anything if they can't save the one person in the world that means the most to me." Clark's voice was shaky, but he still refused to let any tears fall.

"Clark you can't feel bad about this, there was nothing you could do about my heart. Sometimes in life things happen that we don't understand, but we have to move on, and keep on living, otherwise you'll never live up to your full potential. Clark, I want you to promise me something. I want you to promise me that no matter what, you will not stop helping people; you have amazing gifts that you should never feel ashamed of. Please, promise me that you will always help those weaker than yourself. Son, take care of your mother, we are both so proud of the man you have grown to be, I'm sorry that I won't be there for you; I love you, Clark."

"I promise Dad. I love you too." Clark could not help it as a tear slipped out of his eye, but he restrained the rest from falling.

Jonathon looked over at Martha, and took her hand with his other hand; he stared into her eyes, and then whispered "I love you." She firmly held his hand, and he looked back from Clark to his wife, and smiled, then closed his eyes. No one had to tell them, they knew his presence had left the room, Martha put her head on his chest and silent sobs began to rack her body. Clark still held his hand, and watched his mother; silent tears began to fall down his face, but before anyone could see, he wiped them away. The doctor came in and turned off the heart monitor, had gone from the steady, soothing, beep. beep, beep, to one long monotonous note.

Clark couldn't stand it anymore; he couldn't be there any longer. He stood up, walked towards the door, then gave one last glance at his father, then walked out the door. He quickly turned to the exit. He didn't hear his friends calling his name, he didn't hear anything, he just kept on walking until he was outside, then without even checking, sped away. He needed to get away, he didn't know where he was heading, but he just had to get away from everything. As he ran, he saw the fields of corn fly past him. He didn't care where he ended up, he just kept running.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

**Note:** Thanks for the reviews, they are greatly appreciated. I don't really have a beta, so it may be a little rough, although I did proofread it several times, but enough of this, on with the story!

Pete walked into Mr. Kent's room, and put his hand on Mrs. Kent's shoulder; she looked up and gave him a weak smile, which Pete returned. Mrs. Kent stood up, and walked over towards Pete. He put his arms around her, and let her cry onto his shirt. As they walked to the door, Mrs. Kent looked at her husband, one last time, then turned and walked out with Pete. Lana and Chloe were waiting outside the door and they both came up to hug Mrs. Kent.

Pete took Mrs. Kent home, and Lana took Chloe home. Then she decided there was one place that she could go to find peace.

"I'm gonna go to the _Talon._" Lana said to Chloe, as Chloe got out of the car.

"You want me to come with you?"

"No, it's alright." Chloe understood what Lana meant, she needed to be alone.

Lana drove to the _Talon_, all the while thinking _this must be a dream._

As soon as she walked into the _Talon,_ she felt herself begin to relax; she made a pot of coffee, and sat down on one of the couches. She couldn't help but think of what a great day this had started out to be; she had gotten up early, and gone out for a ride on Donatello. Then she came to work at the _Talon_. Work wasn't especially great, but she got to talk to Clark, and even though he wasn't back to his normal cheerful self, he wasn't nearly as depressed as he had been. He had only stopped by to pick up some coffee for him and his mom, but ended up staying a while to talk. They talked about anything and everything, she thought it was good for him to get his mind off of his dad. Though, mainly they talked about graduation; and how much they were looking forward to the summer. Then Clark left, and Lana got off of work an hour later. She went to go talk to her parents and spent a pleasant time talking and getting things off of her chest. When she got home, she sat down to a nice book on the couch, then Chloe had come home, they had chatted for a while too.

Lana got up to get a blanket and put her mug away, and then curled back up on the couch; before long, her eyes were shut, and she was dreaming peacefully.

* * *

RING 

Lana woke up with a jolt, she looked around, at first she was confused, then she remembered that she had gone to the Talon.

RING

She got up slowly and looked at her watch; it read 3:30am. She picked up the phone, she was curious about who would be calling her this late.

"Hello?"

"Lana? It's Chloe; I tried calling your cell but it was off or something, so I figured that since you didn't come home, you would still be at the _Talon_.

"Oh yeah, my battery died, sorry. What did you need?"

"Mrs. Kent called a few minutes ago. Clark hasn't come home and she was getting worried. Did Clark come by there?"

"No, I haven't seen him since he left the hospital. I'll go look for him."

"Alright, call me if you find him."

"Okay, bye"

Lana picked up her coat and keys and ran out of the _Talon_ to her car.

* * *

Clark had been running for three hours straight. He hadn't even broken a sweat, much less begun to feel tired. He was trying to test himself, see how long he could last, but when he noticed how dark it had gotten, he decided to stop. He stopped in a forest; it was dark out, so no one could see him. He also realized that he was far away enough from any town that no one could hear him. He stared at a tree, feeling a rage that he had never experienced before. He ran at it, sprinting at full speed, when he made contact, there was an earsplitting crack; the tree shattered on impact, but Clark felt no pain. He didn't really know why, but it made him feel better. He turned and swung his fist at another tree, another crack was heard, and the tree was splintered. Clark realized why this felt so good to him, he was angry, and this was an outlet for his anger. He was angry at the doctors for not saving his father, he was angry at Jor-el for weakening his father's heart, he was angry at his father for leaving him, but most of all Clark was angry at himself for allowing his father to die. Then the guilt hit him, this was all his fault, his father wouldn't have ever had to make a deal with Jor-el if Clark hadn't run away. 

Clark stopped his fist right before it collided with another tree, he looked at his hand, then at the two trees he had demolished, and then back at his hand. He was scaring himself, he had never been this angry before, and even if he had been angry, he had never taken out his anger. He couldn't believe what he was doing. Before he got farther out of control, he turned and ran back home.

When he got to the driveway to his house, he slowed down to a jog, the lights in the house were off, he didn't want to wake his mother, so he went up to the loft. He sat down in the corner not really thinking about anything. He just sat there and stared out into the barn.

* * *

Lana drove up to the Kent's house; the lights were on, so that meant Martha was still awake. She had driven all over Smallville looking for Clark, but could not find him. The one place she hadn't looked was his loft. As she walked up the stairs, she looked around, everything seemed to be in place except for Clark; she didn't see him anywhere. Right as she was about to head back down the stairs, she heard a noise, it wasn't very loud, but she still heard it. There was another rustle in the far corner of the loft, and as her eyes adjusted to the dark, she made out a shape. She walked up closer to it, and realized it was Clark, with his legs tucked up to his chest, his arms on his knees, and his face in his arms. 

"Clark? Is that you?"

Clark looked up; he hadn't realized that someone was in the loft with him. He looked around and his eyes met Lana's.

"Lana…what are you doing here?"

"Your mom called Chloe, about 45 minutes ago, she couldn't find you, and since Chloe's car is in the shop, Chloe called me. Are you alright?

"I'm fine." She looked at him, and could tell that he was holding back, she saw the tears that were threatening to come out, but he blinked them back before they spilled. She walked up and slid down to sit next to him. Lana gazed into Clark's eyes. She didn't see the usual warmth and strength, but instead, she saw fear, uncertainty, and something else that she couldn't make out. She realized that for all the man Clark looked, he was still a boy, who was scared and lost without the guidance and love of his father.

"Clark, you can't keep this in, you have to let out your feelings. If you keep them locked up you'll never be able to live. You have to let the people that love you, help you. Let us be there for you, let _me_ be there for you." She whispered the last part.

His voice quivered as he whispered, "I can't, I have to be strong for my mom; she needs me to be strong for her, more than I need to let my feelings go."

"Then let me be strong for you." She stood up, and held out her hands, waiting for him to take them. He took her hands lightly, and she pulled him up; then led him over to the couch. In the moonlight from the window, she noticed his appearance. He still had the same clothes on, his hair was messy, like it had been blown in the wind, and his eyes were glistening with the tears he fought to hold in. He had large dark bags under his eyes and his face was pale.

"Clark when was the last time you got some sleep?"

"I dunno….2, maybe 3 days?"

"Oh my god, Clark, you must be really tired."

"I'm okay." He looked down at his hands which she still held. She let go of one of his hands, and tilted his head towards her, so that she could look into his eyes. He was still fighting hard to stay strong for her, to show no emotion, but she could always tell how Clark felt by his eyes. They were filed with mixed emotions, anger, sadness, loneliness, and…guilt? Only Clark could feel guilty for a naturally caused death.

She dropped his other hand, but wrapped her arms around him. He was surprised by the gesture, and at first tensed up, but started to soften as he got used to the feeling of the contact. He slowly circled his arms around her, and put his head on her shoulder. He breathed in her scent, and it seemed to calm him. He let his guard down, but by doing so, he let a tear fall.

Lana felt a wet drop on her shoulder; she lifted her head slightly and tried to soothe him by rubbing small circles on his back. He realized that he could no longer hold in his emotions, and that, that one tear had opened the flood gates. Tears were now freely falling, and before long he started to cry softly. Eventually Lana could feel the sobs that racked his body; she decided that it was best to just hold him and comfort him.

The guilt was killing him, he had killed his father. All of the stress his secret had put on his father by having to keep the secret, secret. He ran away, and forced him to make a deal with Jor-el which eventually caused the initial heart problems. He couldn't help but mutter, "It's all my fault."

Lana lifted her head and pulled away keeping her hands on his shoulders. Clark was confused by the sudden change in position, but she looked at him and softly wiped the lingering tears.

"Clark, this was not your fault, you didn't do this to your father." She spoke in a soothing manner, but Clark jumped up to his feet and started pacing. This action startled Lana.

"No! This was my fault. And then I couldn't even do anything for him."

"Clark, not everything is your fault. You shouldn't feel guilty for something you couldn't control." Lana stood up and walked over to Clark who was standing with his head down by the window, and put her hand on his shoulder.

"You can't blame yourself for what happened to him." Lana couldn't understand why Clark felt so guilty for his father's death, but then again she rarely understood him.

Clark was getting mad; he couldn't explain himself without exposing his secret.

"I can't tell you why, but it's just all my fault! Everything is!"

"Clark-" but Clark cut her off. He began to ramble.

"If my dad hadn't been so stressed about keeping my secret, and if he hadn't made that deal for me, his heart would have been fine. Lana, everything is my fault, your parents, Lex, Pete getting beat up, my dad dieing, and all those times that you've been hurt…"

"Clark what are you talking about? How could all of that possibly be your fault?"

_What does his secret have to do with this?_

"It just is!" Lana could tell that he was getting angry, so she decided to avoid that argument for right now.

"Look Clark, I don't know what you're talking about, but I think you just need to calm down, then we can talk some more. C'mon. Why don't you lie down and rest." She took his hand and led him over to the couch; then she got up to leave.

"Wait," She stopped and looked at him. "I—I don't…want to be alone…" She looked into his eyes, and again she saw the scared little boy that was afraid to be left alone in the dark. She walked back over to the couch and sat down, then threw a blanket over him as he laid his head in her lap. She looked down at him and tenderly brushed his hair out of his face.

"I'm sorry, Lana. I'm so sorry." He started to cry softly again.

"Shh, Clark its okay, everything's going to be okay, shh." She whispered soothingly to him. This seemed to work, as he calmed down and stopped crying; within minutes he was asleep. Lana laid her head back and her eyes started to close as well.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

AN: There's not much Clana in this one, but it was needed to move the story along. Sorry for the wait, and without any further adieu...on with the story!

* * *

Mrs. Kent had cried herself to sleep on the couch in the living room. When she woke up, she was a little confused, but then the events of the previous day crashed down on her. She was too weak and tired to do anything but just lay there. After a little while, she realized Clark had never come home. She went up to his room to check once more, and then headed outside towards the loft. When she arrived at the top of the loft, she was surprised to find Clark asleep with his head on Lana's lap, and Lana with her head against the back of the couch She smiled, then walked back down the stairs to the house. When she walked in the kitchen the phone started to ring. 

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mrs. Kent, it's Chloe. I was wondering if Clark ever came home, and if you have seen Lana, she didn't come home or call last night."

"Oh, hello Chloe, well I just saw them, they must have been talking and fallen asleep in the loft. Would you like me to get Lana?"

"Oh no, that's alright. I'll just talk to her when she gets home, thanks Mrs. Kent."

* * *

Lana woke up with Clark's head still on her lap. She looked down at him and smiled, he looked so much more peaceful when he slept. She lifted his head so she could get up, then put a pillow where she had previously been, and he didn't even stir from his slumber. She stood up and stretched, her neck was pretty sore from the position she had slept in, but it was worth it if Clark felt better. She walked down the steps of the loft and towards the house. She looked through the screen door, to Mrs. Kent who was slumped in her chair with her arms on the table and her head on her arms. Lana knocked softly on the doorframe. Mrs. Kent looked up and gave Lana a weak smile. 

"Hey Mrs. Kent, how are you holding up?"

"I really don't know. It just hasn't sunk in yet, that he's not coming back…" Lana walked over and gave Mrs. Kent a hug.

"How is Clark? Is he alright?" Mrs. Kent asked.

"He…well….he was kind of rambling last night about how it was his fault, and it didn't make any sense, 'cause how could it be his fault?"

Mrs. Kent looked down, she knew why Clark felt guilty, but she couldn't tell Lana that. "I think that he's just….overwhelmed, right now."

"Yeah, I guess. Right now he's sound asleep; he said he hadn't slept for a few days, so he'll probably be out for a while. Is there anything I can do for you Mrs. Kent?"

"I don't think so, Lana. Oh by the way, Chloe called and was looking for you."

"Oh, okay, thanks Mrs. Kent. Are you sure there's nothing I can do?"

"Of course, you just go on home and get some rest."

"Alright, goodbye Mrs. Kent."

"Goodbye Lana."

* * *

As Lana drove home, she couldn't help think about what Clark had said. _He said it was his fault, and it had something to do with his secret. He said that it was his fault about what happened to my parents, and his dad, and Pete, what was he talking about? And then when I asked Mrs. Kent, she wouldn't look me in the eye._ Lana pulled into the Sullivan's driveway, and turned off the car. Her mind was still asking questions that remained unanswered as she got out and walked up to the door. 

"Lana! Where have you been?"

"Oh I'm so sorry Chloe, I forgot to call. I went to look for Clark, and after driving around for a while, I went to the loft. He was there, then we talked, and he didn't want to be alone, so I stayed with him, and I must have fallen asleep."

"It's alright; I was just worried is all. How's Clark doing?"

"I don't know; he was still sleeping when I left. He keeps on saying that it's his fault."

"Well you know Clark, whenever something bad happens, he blames himself."

"But why is he so guilty, I mean it's not like it actually was his fault."

"I think its how Clark deals with anything that goes wrong. He feels like he has to save everyone and everything and if he doesn't he thinks that he failed, therefore it's his fault."

"I just don't understand…"

"I don't think we ever will, Lana."

"Well I'm still pretty tired, I'm gonna go to bed."

"Alright."

* * *

Mrs. Kent heard a car pulling up her driveway, so she looked out the window. It was Lex; he stepped out of his car and up the porch steps. 

"Mrs. Kent, I came as soon as I heard. I've been in Metropolis for a conference all week. I'm so sorry, if there's anything I can do to help, I'd be happy to." He looked around and didn't see Clark anywhere, "Where's Clark? Is he alright?"

"Well, he's asleep in the loft. I don't really know, I haven't gotten a chance to talk to him yet. But from what Lana said, I don't think he's doing alright, I think he a little depressed."

"I'm sure that can only be normal for what he's going through. And how are you handling it?"

"I'm still not sure. I'm still waiting for Jonathon to walk through the door and tell me it's going to be alright." Her eyes were now starting to tear up, and Lex closed the gap to give her a much needed hug.

"Mrs. Kent have you taken care of the funeral arrangements?"

"No, I haven't really done anything, since…" she trailed off.

Lex just waved his hand and said "I understand, don't worry about it; I'll take care of everything."

"Oh Lex, you don't have to."

"It's the least I can do. You and Mr. Kent were more like parents to me than my own." Just then his cell phone rang. "I'm sorry Mrs. Kent, I'll be one second."

She put up her hand and said "No, just take your time."

Lex put the phone to his ear, and started to walk away. Mrs. Kent watched for a second, and then turned to go back inside.

Lex walked back in and said "I'm sorry about this Mrs. Kent, I need to go take care of something. Call me if you need anything, and I'll take care of all of the funeral arrangements."

"Thank you Lex, good bye."

Mrs. Kent watched Lex pull out of the driveway, then walked over to the loft. She walked up the stairs and looked at her son, sleeping on the couch. _He always looked so innocent in his sleep. How am I going to do this alone Jonathon? How am I going to be able to take care of him by myself?_ As she watched him these thoughts and questions went through her mind. All of a sudden, Clark's face contorted into a frown, he started thrashing in his sleep, and yelling.

"No! No! I don't want to be alone! No!"

Mrs. Kent reached over to him and gently shook him, his eyes shot open, he looked around for a second, but once he saw his mother he began to relax.

"Are you okay Clark? You were sleeping then you started to yell, it looked like you were having a nightmare."

"I'm alright." He sat up and looked at his mother; her eyes were still puffy and red. "Mom, I'm so sorry I didn't come home, I just…I was so mad, and I was running, and then I didn't know how late it was, then Lana came, and we talked and I must have fallen asleep, I'm sorry I made you worry…"He was rambling, so he just trailed off.

"It's alright Clark. Don't worry about anything." She reached over and brushed his hair out of his eyes, he looked at her and she began to cry. He stood up and let her cry on his shoulder. He didn't let himself cry because he wanted to stay strong for his mother, so he just held her and rubbed her back until she calmed down.

Once she had calmed down, she asked "Did you have a nightmare?"

Clark was silent for a moment, then whispered "Yeah."

"You haven't had a nightmare like that since you were a little boy. You used to come running into our room, and you father would pick you up and wipe away your tears, then put you in the bed between us."

"I miss him, mom."

"I do too, sweetie."

"What are we gonna do without him?"

"We're going to keep on living. That's what he'd want us to do." There was a moment of reflection and silence, but then Mrs. Kent got up and said. "C'mon, let's go inside, you get cleaned up and I'll make breakfast."

Clark took his mother's hand and got up. They walked out of the loft together and up to the house. Clark left his mother and went up to his room, grabbed some clean clothes and took a shower. Once he came downstairs and started eating, he realized just how hungry he was.

Clark and his mother spent the day reminiscing about Jonathon; reliving childhood memories, and thinking back on what a great father and husband he had been. They had their share of laughs and tears.

Martha was in the middle of telling a story about her first date with Jonathon, when the phone started to ring. Martha got up to answer it.

Clark sat and thought while his mother was on the phone. He was thinking about what would happen without his father. It was his senior year, he was supposed to go to Metropolis University with Pete, Chloe, and Lana, but how could he leave his mother now? The farm needed to be maintained, they had so many hospital bills, and he couldn't leave her now, she would be all alone. He made his decision, he wouldn't leave until the bills were settled, the farm was taken care of, and he was sure his mother was alright. He decided that he would tell his mother, but not now, for now he would keep this to himself.

His mother hung up the phone and walked over to him. "That was Lex. He set up the funeral for us. It's going to be tomorrow." Clark only nodded. The silence hung in the air, then Clark broke it by saying "I'm gonna go do the chores; no one's done them for a few days." Martha nodded and watched her son leave.

* * *

Alright, it's time for everyone's favorite part of fan fiction...Reviewing! 


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